May 24, 1999.
8:00 p.m.

Against my better judgement, I'm eating dinner at a Lyon's Restaurant.  As far as I can tell, Lyon's is a lot like Denny's(一个24小时营业的廉价餐馆，连锁店遍及美东), except the food makes you ill.  I'm slowly working my way through the menu as an experiment, to see whether there is any individual dish or combination thereof that doesn't induce a feeling of general malaise(不舒服) Sadly, I cannot include tonight's salad, with Italian dressing(调味品、加味品)that has been specially formulated to taste like motor oil, or perhaps used transmission fluid(传动液，这里指加在汽车里的). Strangely, what I assume is the lettuce has been chopped to a powdery consistency similar to the size of individual grains of rice, and then suspended in a liberal amount of dressing.  Ah, here's dinner! The mixed vegetables are charmingly coated with the mashed potatoes, which themselves have been artistically distributed across the plate--apparently with a fork--prior to arrival at the table.  Luckily, the icy mixed vegetables have not been damaged by overcooking, and they provide a nice contrast to the lukewarm(微温的、温热的)potatoes. The chef's wisdom in using the mashed potatoes(把去皮的土豆煮烂捣碎加牛奶和黄油搅伴成的吃食，美国人最喜爱的食品之一) to thaw the veggies out a bit becomes apparent--guess they're on an energy conservation kick(这里是讽刺性、调侃的口吻：指厨师用温热的土豆泥来解冻冰冷的蔬菜是出于节省能源的考虑) in the kitchen. The chicken breast, though tasteless, is also rubbery.  It has been liberally swathed in a suspiciously ketchupy (俚语：番茄酱ketchup似的) "bbq" (short for barbecue, 类似番茄酱的主要是烧烤用的调料) sauce, adding flavor to a meal otherwise uncontaminated by seasonings potentially unpalatable to the masses, such as salt and pepper.  Impressively, the bbq sauce manages to be at once bland and spicy; interspersed among the ketchupy notes seems to be a distilled version (as if such a thing were possible) of the transmission fluid that made an earlier appearance on the salad. A few swallows of the glue-like mashed potatoes--quickly congealing(冻结、凝结) as their temperature drops to near absolute zero--remove the acrid (辛辣的) "bbq" taste from my mouth. It should be noted that unlike some of Lyon's' other fabulous dishes, such as undercooked fettucine (一种类似挂面、长宽条的意大利面条) with lard (猪油) and cheese & chicken bits, the chicken dinner does not immediately induce the gag reflex--a definite plus! For once, the restaurant is not: replacing light bulbs; putting up drywall (同plasterboard, 涂上石灰的木板夹心墙); rewiring; or conducting a major cleaning while I am eating.  This leaves me free to enjoy the piped-in muzak(餐馆等处的背景衬托音乐), which is just loud enough to be annoying but still remain incomprehensible. I also enjoy the spectacle of Jen, my waitress, variously dropping, flinging, and hurling sauces, food, plates, drinks, and other items onto the diners, chairs, and carpet at other tables. I have to duck as she goes upside the head of an 8-year-old kid with a brownie dessert. Luckily, I escape unscathed. Jen brings the check.  A baby starts crying in the corner, and my visit is complete.  All in all, a successful dinner, as I exit the restaurant still in reasonably good health.

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